all the things i detest.

i am hating the tears that never come. amelioration i seek, relief i lack.
i am hating the words that never come to a complete coherent thought. the words, they float and loom over my being...but are absent from my speech.
i am hating the deep, intense cravings for real, authentic community. i pursue it and yet isolate myself from it at the same time. afraid to be known, afraid to be unknown, as always... the engimatic, esotoric way of life allures me yet is the very thing i abhor.
i am hating my sin....................................................................................
it is becoming more and more operose to trust my Lord. i can no longer see. my tears that i pretend are there are blocking my view of His plan....don't hide yourself, Oh God...